I just pynch a tree in the face
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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