Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
