The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
