I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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