She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
