I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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