I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Randomize
