At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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