I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wanna passion pit in your ass
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
