So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
