Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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