remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
