she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
