Who wears a wallet chain?!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
