They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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