He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
