the condom got lost in my hair
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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