I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
