Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
