Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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