tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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