can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
