break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
