It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
