Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
