the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
