Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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