The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
