Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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