I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
