It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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