Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I would fuck him just for his dog
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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