The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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