I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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