ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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