I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
