he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
