i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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