3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I want to stick my p in your. b.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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