you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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