I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
