Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
