I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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