youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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