I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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