The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
