i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
