Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
