i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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