Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
