My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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